Always Wanting to Be Liked

A glimpse into my vulnerability

I think I have this syndrome of always wanting to be liked, and I struggle to accept it when I’m not.

For a long time, I lived in the bubble of believing that if you are a good person, a nice person, don’t do too much, and remain supportive, people will naturally like you.

Sadly… I couldn’t have been more wrong.

The world doesn’t work that way. It isn’t always black or white. Sometimes it is grey, or no color at all.

I have always wrestled with the idea that I am a very likable person and that it should be impossible not to like me. But that isn’t true. Not that I am the problem, but you can be a genuinely good person and some people still won’t like you and that is totally fine.

You can’t please everyone. Everyone has their own opinions and their own version of how they see people and themselves.

When I went for NYSC camp, I made a decision to put myself out there to be free, open, and extroverted. And yes, I did exactly that.

I became the Corps Camp Director, a Platoon Leader, and I also held a position in the Red Cross.

As Platoon Leader, I was voted in by my platoon members. For Corps Camp Director, they organized interviews, and I won. For the Red Cross position, I was once again nominated by the people.

So tell me, why was I hated for these same things? It was honestly absurd.

I was disliked for holding too many positions in camp, and because I was a girl.

My first thought was: why am I being hated for being a girl in leadership positions in this modern society? I thought we were all mature now. I thought we had moved past the idea that a woman should not be above men.

And some of my own gender agreed with them.

So much for women supporting women.

It was really sad, and it affected me then. Luckily, I had people who still stood by me and supported me.

That whole experience opened a window for me to truly see the world for what it is.

Not everybody is going to like you and that is the honest truth.

My “always wanting to be liked” syndrome may also come from being a middle child raised in a Nigerian home.

A child who is always well-behaved, put together, and smart often gets less attention because everyone assumes they are fine and can take care of themselves.

In many Nigerian homes, once you are not the problematic child, you can easily be overlooked. Sadly.

sometimes, being low-maintenance means being unseen.

And I’ve carried this need to be liked into my friendships and relationships.

I like walking into a room and being liked. Being noticed.

I like that feeling.

To be honest, till this day, I still feel a little shocked when people don’t like me because I know I’m a genuinely likable person. The people around me can even verify that.

But I’m starting to learn that you cannot control how other people see you.

Likability cannot be controlled. No matter how kind, competent, or genuine you are, some people will still dislike you for reasons that often have more to do with them than with you.

With love,

Thehalfsaidthings ❤️

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